Writing that last post about the craving I had earlier today has affected me a lot more than I thought it would. Initially, I decided to write about it mostly b/c I didn’t want another big gap between posts. I wasn’t feeling too emotional about it until I actually wrote it out, and saw in cold, clear words what I’d thought to myself.
That experience made me realize why journaling/blogging is such an important part of the healing process – I think our brains often gloss things over in the moment and let them float in that space between consciousness and subconsciousness. But when we write about it, we are forced to really examine it more clearly. Before I wrote that post, I’d mostly focused on the visual element of my food fantasy, the image of me gorging on candy. But when I wrote it, I realized on a more conscious level what the accompanying message was, and it was really pretty horrifying.
How many times per day do I tell myself that I’m a worthless loser? And why do I allow myself to base my entire self worth on the number on the scale? I am very hopeful that keeping this blog will help make me more attuned to that voice so that I can consciously choose to work toward counteracting it.