Monthly Archives: February 2011

Weekly weigh in, Feb. 28

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I weighed myself as soon as I woke up this morning, and I’m just now posting this at 3:00, so you can probably guess why: the news isn’t good.  First, here’s the actual stats:

  • Weight Lost, Current Week: 0.4 lbs gained
  • Weight Lost, To Date: 19.4 lbs
  • Weeks on Diet: 5

To say I’m discouraged would be an understatement.  At only 5 weeks in, this seems way too early for a plateau.  And I’m working SO hard!  I admit that I had one small “splurge” last week (a beer when I met a friend for a gab session), but that was on Tues, and even if you’re looking at this from the strictest Atkins perspective, which is that I might have knocked myself out of ketosis, I would have been back IN it easily by now.  There’s no reason me not to have at least lost a pound.

Honestly, I’ve been on the verge of tears all day.  Up until now, I’ve considered myself in a sort of induction phase (even though we’re not really following Atkins) and was able to take comfort in the fact that the way I’m eating was just short term.  Eventually, I’d be able to add back in a little bit of bread and some milk with dinner – two things I’m really missing.  But if I’m already having weeks where I don’t lose any weight at all, where the heck am I supposed to go from here?

Today, I’m feeling very, very discouraged.

Daily affirmation, 2/23/2011

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I had one of those little moments of self-awareness today that I’m proud of, so that is my affirmation for the day.

I have some work to do today, and when I got out of the shower, I thought, “I’ll wait and do my make up later, when it’s time to take Maggie to dance.”  But then I stopped and remembered – I’m not doing my make up for other people.  I’m doing it for me.  To remind myself that taking care of myself is inherently valuable.  So I stopped what I was doing and took 5 minutes to put a little make up on.  I even added my favorite perfume.  Because I am worth taking care of.

What is your affirmation for the day?  Remember, you can comment anonymously!

In general, I’m actually a happy person

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I feel like I need to get a little something off my chest.  I worry that this blog makes me seem brooding and self-pitying and like a big time Debbie Downer.  I’m really not!  This blog focuses on only one aspect of my life, and yes, it’s a very negative and difficult aspect.  But my whole life is not like that.

Overall, I’m actually a pretty optimistic and positive person.  I wasn’t always, though.  In fact, I struggled with depression for several years.  But last September, I had what I like to call an epiphany.  I know that term often has religious connotations, but I don’t mean it that way – in fact, rather than finding a faith in God, what I found was more faith in my fellow humans.

Let me explain.

There have been a lot of genuinely difficult things in my life during the last decade.  Nate and I struggled with infertility not once, but twice.  Nate has had ongoing medical problems as a result of a disease he has called Von Hippel Lindau, and that’s necessitated multiple surgeries and cost him the vision in one eye.  Two years ago, we found out that Gus also has VHL, which was absolutely devastating, especially given that he’d already had a rough start in life, dealing with torticollis and scoliosis during his infancy.  Most recently, Nate and I have both been out of work for long stretches of time.  Even before that, I was a stay-at-home mom for several years, so money has been and continues to be very tight.

But things came to a head last September.  I was wallowing in our latest misery – our old house in Detroit was foreclosed on in spite of the fact that we had had numerous offers on the table to buy it in a short sale for more than a year, and all the things that held the process up until it was too late were completely out of our control – and I was a mess of tears and self pity.

A couple of days after we got the news, I was on Facebook, and the oddest thing changed my life.  You know all those silly “groups” on Facebook that don’t actually do anything but have funny or inspiring names that people “like” just because they like the thought?  Well, I just happened to stumble on one called, “Don’t dwell on who let you down, cherish those who hold you up!”

As cliche as that sentiment might sound, the truth of it really hit me in that moment.  For all the devastation we’ve experienced, we’ve never hit the bottom.  Why?  Because family and friends and even complete strangers have been there for us.  And I realized: they always will be.  In fact, the darker it gets, the brighter the stars shine to help us find our way.

I know it sounds crazy, but that was it.  In one fell swoop, the clouds lifted from my life, and I found the perspective and peacefulness that had eluded me for so long.  And I’m now closing in on 6 months of feeling this way.  I’ve stopped worrying that it’s just a mood that’s going to change and have accepted that I’m in a different place now.  In many ways, the storm is still raging (I’m still out of work and our COBRA subsidy runs out soon and we’re going to owe taxes…I’m pretty much scared silly), but it’s like I’m above it now.  I can see that it’s happening, but I can also see that the sky clears ahead, too.  Not because I’m prescient, but because it always does – eventually.

So I guess I just wanted to say: please don’t take this blog as the entirety of who I am.  For the most part, I embrace and love my life.  I’ve got a wonderful, loving, hilarious husband (shhhh, don’t tell him I said he’s hilarious), and my kids are absolutely amazing.  We all adore Denver and don’t ever want to leave.

And in fact, I don’t even worry too much about the money, because I feel like one day we’ll be above water again.  (I’d be lying if I said I never worry about it, but it’s not causing me to have panic attacks, so that’s a pretty major step forward.)  But this self image thing?  Well, it’s been a part of me since long before I had any idea what VHL or mortgages or COBRA were.  It’s hard to shake.

But I’m working on it.  And for once, I actually feel like I have a chance to be successful.  I’m more optimistic than I’ve ever been, and I think it’s because I’ve resolved the other big issues that had been weighing on me (no pun intended!).  So for the first time in my adult life, I can focus my energy on this.  On making me a better, healthier person – physically and emotionally.

I can do this.  I know I can.

Low carb review: Foster Farms Tequila Lime wings and Hot & Spicy wings

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Big bags of both these varieties are available in the frozen section of  the Costco we shop at.  I originally bought the Hot & Spicy variety a few weeks ago, and as I was checking out, the checker raved to me about how good the Tequila Lime ones are (no link for these on the site – I hope that means they are new, not about to be discontinued!).  The flavor combo didn’t sound that appealing to me, but since I have a low threshhold for spice and the checker said they were so good, the next time I was at Costco, I decided to pick some up.

Boy, am I glad I did!

Both varieties have a very low carb count – only 1 carb per 3 wings – so they make a nice lazy night entree.  They also cook up nice and crispy in the oven, especially the Tequila Lime variety.

Nate really likes the Hot & Spicy variety, although they are a bit much for me.  Like I said, I have a low spice tolerance.  I’ll eat them, but they make my lips burn.  They’re probably about the equivalent of a medium at most wing places.

But the Tequila Lime are my far and away my favorite.  The seasoning is actually quite subtle.  Really, these are just delicious wings, and I’ve always been a fan of good wings, perfectly plain.

Beyond the excellent flavor, the best part about these wings is that they are roasted (not deep fried) and turn out really crispy when you cook them in the oven.  I have the best results when I use the longest cooking time of 33 minutes, and I make sure to stick them in straight from the freezer.  I feel like letting frozen foods defrost a bit before cooking tends to make them soggier, although I have no scientific evidence to prove that point.  All I know is that I get excellent, crispy wings every time when I don’t take them out of the freezer until the oven is preheated.

Hint: definitely follow the directions and line your pan with foil and spray with nonstick spray, but they’ll still stick.  However, if you wait about 5 minutes after you take them out of the oven (hard, with the tempting aroma wafting through the house), you’ll a) continue to have fingerprints (a plus or a minus, depending on your penchant for crime), and b) be able to gently remove them from the foil without having a bunch of meat and skin stick to it.

Starting a series: daily affirmations

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One of the main goals of this blog is for me to learn to stop judging myself for whatever number is on the scale.  So far, I’ve talked quite a bit about the negative voice in my head that thinks all the worst things about myself.

But silencing that voice is not enough; something needs to fill the void.  I need to learn to replace the negative self talk with healthier thoughts.

So to that end, I’m introducing a new daily feature.  (That sounds mighty important, but I can’t think of a better term for it!)  Each day, I’m going to post one good thought about myself to focus on for that day.   It might be something I like about myself, something I’m proud about, or simply an uplifting thought.  I will try to post one every day, although I’m sure I’ll probably miss them occasionally.

And because another big part of the reason I started this blog was to walk this journey with others who struggle with the same issues, I’d like to invite readers to join in by posting their own affirmations in the comments.  Remember, you can post anonymously if that makes you more comfortable.

So for today, this is my affirmation:

Yesterday, I made a commitment to take better care of myself with some basic, daily tasks.  Today, I followed through on that commitment, even though I wasn’t feeling well this morning.  It’s just one day, but a lifetime is composed of individual days.

Please share your affirmation!

 

Weekly weigh in, Feb. 21

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Time for an official weigh in.  I did step on the scale a couple of times last week and was not thrilled with what I saw.  I kept hovering around that higher weight, the one that was about a lb higher than the lowest weight I saw the previous week.

But when I stepped on the scale this morning, I got a good reminder about why weighing weekly is best.  By today, the scale had finally budged, and budged nicely.

  • Weight Lost, Current Week: 4.4 lbs
  • Weight Lost, To Date: 19.8 lbs
  • Weeks on Diet: 4